Are we there yet? (How can we be there already?)

That’s how I felt this morning when Chris, Luke, Lucy and I piled in the car for Lucy’s first day of preschool! All summer long I’ve been looking forward to Lucy starting preschool. But this morning I felt like, how can we be here/there already?

We’ve hit all the previous milestones – first smile, tooth, food, trip to Disneyland (that might have come first, actually), steps, haircut, big girl bed, oh yes, we’ve gone through those. This milestone, the first day of school, was expected, but somehow, it snuck up on us. I can’t believe it’s here already!

Lucy did, she didn’t miss a beat! She came running out of her room – dressed and ready to go! ”Mommy, is preschool in the morning?” ”Yes, it is!” I told her. ”Good, then we can go right now!”

Yesterday we picked out her clothes, put together her “Share bag” and made little gifts for her teachers.

We had gone shopping, gotten her hair cut, and did other ceremonious things to get ready for school. I think secretly I was hoping that those things would have been a little bit more special between the two of us, but instead they felt a little rushed and unimportant. I guess I was longing to do something with Lucy that would help her know how I excited I am for her to start school, and how strongly I beleive she will be successful.

Making gifts for her teachers turned out the be just the activity I was looking to do with her. It was all about her, she was painting, writing notes, decorating, “reading” – her eyes light up with excitement during the process and I felt like we were just enjoying each other and getting ready for this monumental day.

Who would have thought that the kind of experience I was looking for would happen Monday night, after Luke was asleep and Abbey had gone home and Chris as at kick boxing. That my connection with Lucy would not be about the haircut, the shopping for clothes, or the orientation – but that it would be about packing her school bag and making small token gifts for her teachers. I think I will always remember that night – her using the scissors so skillfully, trying to write words, deciding which teacher will receive which painting, – it was a glimpse of my artist child – my free spirit and my strong thinker. It was everything I love about her.

But more than that, it was an opportunity to watch her do all the things that I’ve been doing with her for the past 3 years to get ready for this new experience. Over the past 3 years, I didn’t take her shopping. We went to get her bangs cut with Abbey and Luke because we can walk there and it’s cheap entertainment – it wasn’t a special mother-daughter activity. I don’t know why I thought those things would be special. Lucy and I haven’t done those things. Instead, we created together. We did art. We experimented with paper, glue, glitter, crayons, and markers. Lots of times we had fabric and ribbon. And if scissors were involved, it was a real treat.

Somebody recently implied during a conversation that it would have been better for Lucy to be in school than to be home with me – that she would learn more and grow more at school than at home. I think part of me as been nervous that might be true. But watching her work so independently, confidently, and passionately showed me it’s not. At home she has learned so many intangibles that I saw at work in her last night – confidence, pride in her work, artistic skill and vision – she has learned that we make things to give to others, and that art is for blessing other people. She has learned that she does important work and that what she does has value. She showed me that she believes that what she creates can bring joy to others – and that she is good at it, that she makes good choices. I’m glad that she is going to school with that foundation. And not a moment too soon, (or too late!) I can’t wait to watch her soar, I am confident her wings are strong.

So here’s the documentation of our baby’s first day of school. Lots of smiles, a few tears, and questions like – “are you sure we have enough gas in the car?” Lots of songs – Lucy sang: “We’re going off to school…to learn about the world”. Lots of hugs, and lots of kisses! And of course, lots of pictures: